How to collect RSVPs online

What a reply has to tell you

Before you decide how to collect replies, decide what you need from them. The one answer every event needs is a yes or a no per person, not per household, because the caterer counts plates and the venue counts chairs. Everything else is optional: a meal choice, a dietary need, a song request, whether someone needs a room or a seat on the bus. The headcount is the number you will be asked for by everyone you have hired, so build your replies around it and treat the rest as a bonus.

A reply is also a date. The caterer needs the final count about two weeks before the event, the seating chart needs it a week before that, and you need a few days to chase the people who have not answered. Work backwards from those dates and the deadline sets itself.

Build the guest list before the invitations

An invitation goes to a household, a reply comes from a person. If your list already knows who belongs together, the replies land in the right place: a couple, a family with two children, a friend and a plus-one are a party with one invitation and one reply per member. Decide the plus-one policy now and apply it to everyone the same way; the usual rule is that married, engaged and cohabiting partners are invited by name, and single guests get a plus-one if you can afford one for all of them. A plus-one who is named on the invitation is far more likely to come than "and guest".

Write the list with names spelled as the guests spell them. A reply form that cannot find someone's name is the most common reason people give up and text you instead.

Set the deadline

Count backwards: the final count is due to the caterer two weeks before, so the reply deadline is three to four weeks before the event. Send invitations six to eight weeks before, which leaves guests a month to reply and you a week to chase. For a destination event, or anything that needs flights, send them three months ahead and set the deadline six weeks before. Put the deadline on the invitation in words, not only as a date: "Please reply by 3 May" is clearer than a date in a corner.

A deadline on a weekday mid-month beats the end of a month, which everyone treats as the last possible minute.

What to ask, and what not to

Every question you add costs replies, so ask only what changes a decision. The questions that usually earn their place:

• Attendance per person: the yes or no, always required.
• Meal choice: only if the menu is plated and the caterer needs the counts in advance.
• Dietary needs: a free-text field, optional, because most guests have none.
• Accommodation or transport: only if you organise them.
• Children: only if the invitation is unclear about it, which it should not be.

Keep it to five questions or fewer. Mark the ones that must be answered and leave the rest optional; a required song request is how a reply gets abandoned halfway. Do not ask for anything you already know, such as the address of your own sister.

Word the invitation

One line is enough: the date by which to reply, and where. "Please let us know by 3 May at the link below" with the link or QR code beneath it. If you also accept replies by message or phone, say so, but expect to type those replies in yourself. Avoid listing the questions on the card; the form asks them.

For a printed invitation, the QR code and a short written address of the page belong together, because some guests will type rather than scan. The QR code guide covers sizes and placement.

Reminders that work

About a third of guests reply in the first week, a third in the last week, and a third need a nudge. Plan the nudges instead of resenting them:

• One week before the deadline: a friendly message to everyone who has not replied, with the link again. A group message is fine at this stage.
• On the deadline: a personal message to each remaining household. "We're giving the final numbers to the caterer on Friday, can you let us know?" works because it gives a reason.
• Three days after: a call. Anyone who has not answered three messages will answer a call, and some of them never saw the messages at all.

Whoever has not replied after the call is counted as not coming, and the seating chart moves on without them. Tell them so, kindly; most will reply within the hour.

Track and chase

Keep every reply in one list with three states per person: attending, declined, pending. The pending list is the one you work from; the attending count is the one you hand to the caterer. Record replies that arrive by text or in person the same day, in the same list, so there is only one source of truth.

If the guest list lives on your event page, guests reply there by finding their name, answering for themselves and their party, and adding the answers to your questions, with no app and no account. In EventAssets every reply lands on the guest's row, the totals update as they come in, the deadline closes the form on its own, and the list exports to CSV with every answer. The support article shows how to set the questions and the deadline.

After the deadline

Once the deadline has passed, changes go through you rather than the form, so you stay in control of the count. Expect a handful: a declined guest who can come after all, a yes who cannot, a plus-one who appears. Accept the first gladly if there is a seat, and write every change into the same list the same day. Give the caterer the final count on the agreed date and tell them your policy for no-shows, which is usually that you pay for them.

A checklist

• Decide what every reply must contain: a yes or no per person, and nothing you do not need.
• Build the guest list by household, with partners named and a plus-one policy applied to all.
• Set the deadline three to four weeks before the event and send invitations six to eight weeks before.
• Ask five questions or fewer, and mark only the headcount as required.
• Put the deadline and the reply link on the invitation in one line.
• Plan three reminders: a message, a personal message, a call.
• Keep one list with attending, declined and pending, and update it the day a reply arrives.
• After the deadline, take changes yourself and hand the final count over on the agreed date.